In Trouble with the Empathetic!

Some might remember a talk from Brené Brown on "empathy" vs "sympathy."  She argues that the sympathetic are distant, as sympathy drives connection while sympathy drives disconnection.  This is the video in question:

If that is a surprising video to you, let me share this.  I first saw this video in a church at a trauma talk.  I was stunned, but I didn't anticipate the blowback when I challenged this concept/

When Scripture describes Christ, it describes Him as a sympathetic high priest (Heb. 4:15).  The term there is sympatheo, which means "to have/show sympathy with, sympathize with" (BDAG).  One modern translation might render it "empathize," but that is more of a cultural translation than a direct translation.  If sympathy is merely painting a silver lining on the dark clouds of sorrow, as this presentation alleged, then we have an ineffective Savior.  

Here's the reality: Empathy, when properly understood, is a lower or more basic form of relating to others’ emotions than sympathy.  Why is that?  Conceptually, it demands that we merely experience or feel the emotions of others, "reserving judgment."  This can create difficulties for the one wanting to help to maintain an objective perspective, such as a foster parent, a pastor, or a biblical counselor, as a person can get easily drawn into a person’s emotional spiral.  (Of course, this depends on whether one utilizes empathy as a more affective rather than a cognitive act.)  Empathy, as the cartoon today depicted, involves getting down in the pit with someone — which may (or may not) offer some comfort — but the help ends there. 

Empathy is a useful concept in some discussions, depending on how it is defined.  No one should be apathetic to the needs and feelings of others, which the Bible describes as "closing the heart" toward someone.  Nor should we be so aloof that we can't "weep with those who weep."  Still, we must be aware of the danger of becoming so awash in the emotions of others that we lose our own footing, and we must beware the danger of others weaponizing our empathy against us.

Sympathy, rightly understood, feels and acts.  A sympathetic person may cry with someone, and then offer a helping hand.  Christ came all the way down to where we are, bore our griefs and sorrows, nailed our sins to His cross, and raised us with Himself to new life.    

Joe Rigney details the problem in an article he wrote for Desiring God.[2]  He accurately defines empathy as meaning to “suffer in” and sympathy as to “suffer with,” and he directly argues against the notion that sympathy drives disconnection.  

He notes that there is a certain “sin of empathy,” in fact, which may avoid addressing necessary issues.  Instead, he rightly notes that sometimes, emotional distance is needed to properly help someone.  Indeed, as empathy is a newer psychological concept fraught with pitfalls, sympathy and compassion are necessary tools for ministry.

Sympathy is necessary for ministry.  Any parent of an emotional child understands the need to both recognize the trouble of the child’s heart while modeling regulation over emotions and assisting the child to think differently.  Sympathy is indeed “suffering with:” seeing the emotion, getting into the problem, and helping with problems.  It is not giving trite aphorisms in response to other people’s pain, which is a way of dismissing issues rather than helping.  Instead, it may start with a hug (which the video we watched classified only as empathy), and it moves on to standing up with the helping hand, assisting the suffering up the ladder and out of the hole.  

Sympathy is at the heart of all biblical counseling, not just empathy.

Recommended Reads:

• Leadership and Emotional Sabotage: Resisting the Anxiety That Will Wreck Your Family, Destroy Your Church, and Ruin the World by Joe Rigney (Canon Press, 2024)
• The Sin of Empathy: Compassion and Its Counterfeits by Joe Rigney (Canon Press, 2025)