SERMON: “Love and Marriage” (1 Cor. 7:1; Eph. 5:22–33)

“Love and Marriage”
(1 Cor. 7:1; Eph. 5:22–33)

Series:               “1 Cor: Holiness from Messes” #22   Text:                 1 Corinthians 7; Ephesians 5:22–33

By:                    Shaun Marksbury                         Date:                March 15, 2026

Venue:              Living Water Baptist Church            Occasion:          AM Service

 

Introduction

Many young people today really wonder if marriage today is a wise option.  They may think that it’s optional, or risky, too expensive, and perhaps too hard to even pursue.  Yet, we see something in Scripture that is countercultural and expresses the beauty of the gospel.

In our morning services, we’re about to get into 1 Corinthians 7.  Now, there are larger issues of contentment at play, but there are considerable questions about how Paul presents marriage in that passage.  So, before we get into those questions, it’s worth looking at Paul’s longest treatise on marriage in the Book of Ephesians.  For those of you who haven’t been with us long, I preached through Ephesians on Sunday nights, finishing in 2023; this sermon will cover three that I preached then!

Marriage is concerning for many, and we should be concerned that people are not wanting to get married.  The family is the nuclear building block of society.  When it fractures, society does too.  As divorce rates soared in the latter part of this past century, moral collapse has followed.  And the church itself has not been immune, but we should instead show the beauty of love and marriage.

The root of the problem lies in Eden, and Paul even quotes from Genesis 2:24 here.  Sin fractured the oneness that marriage should hold in Genesis 3.  As God recites the curses in that chapter, we read that the marriages can suffer a domineering husband and a usurping wife.  Every marital problem flows from the brokenness of that Fall.  The good news is that the gospel reverses these effects.

We see hope for beautiful, functioning marriages in Scripture.  Today, we examine that vision of marriage from the Apostle Paul, and we see that it serves as a living parable of Christ and the church.  We will consider three aspects of this today — the submission of wives, the sacrificial love of husbands, and the simple mystery of marriage.  Let’s consider this today as we prepare for 1 Corinthians 7.

First, Consider the Submission of Wives (vv. 22–24)

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.  But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

Paul has a lot more to say to husbands than he does wives.  That’s because husbands at that time were not very loving toward their wives, and we will spend a little considering that today and in the coming weeks.  However, if he were writing today, he might have more to say to wives, because this is so foreign.  As such, let’s spend a couple of minutes considering this now.

This is one of the most contested texts in our culture today, and it has been for over a century.  What we just read used to be the heartbeat of Christian marriage: complementarian roles where the husband leads with sacrificial love and the wife responds with glad submission.  Yet today that view is labeled oppressive, patriarchal, even hateful.

Consider how the wedding ceremony itself has changed over time.  In the 1559 Book of Common Prayer the minister asked the bride, “Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?  Wilt thou obey him and serve him…?”  She used to vow to “love, cherish, and to obey,” but by the 1928 edition, the word “obey” was gone.  That change came on the heels of the first wave of feminism and women’s suffrage.  The philosophy that followed morphed into the second wave — women don’t need men — and the third wave, which insists women can become men and that gender itself is a social construct!  Besides that, most divorces in the US are initiated by women today, with some studies showing that women initiate about 69% of them, if not more.

Part of the issue, of course, is fear that men will be oppressive, and some are because of the fall.  Another fear is that men won’t lead at all, which sometimes happens.  But, women in godly relationships need not fear these instructions from Paul, and they should consider them as an act of spiritual worship.  Indeed, it may even improve the quality of marriage and the sanctifying process it has in the lives of a young couple.

In fact, take another look at v. 22, which says, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”  Notice first that the verb “be subject” is supplied by the translators (italicized in the LSB and NASB) — Paul draws it from verse 21.  The word is a military term, meaning to “line up under authority” but Paul deliberately chooses the middle voice in Colossians 3:18 as well, emphasizing voluntary submission.  

Now, there are some caveats to this.  There’s a difference between this command for submission and the command for children (6:1) and slaves (6:5) to “obey.”  The command is also narrowly restricted “to your own husbands” rather than every man.  (Titus 2:5 and 1 Peter 3:1 repeat the phrase “their own husbands” for the same reason.)  And, this command is “as to the Lord,” so the husband isn’t the ultimate focus, but rather, worship and submission to Christ.  Thus, this command in no way diminishes the wife as a lesser bearer of the image of God, but it is a willing response that of morally responsible person filled with the Spirit.

Why?  Verse 23 gives the reason: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”  The word “head” (kephalē) has been hotly debated, with some claiming it only means “source.”  However, research into Greek literature and into the context of Ephesians itself (1:22; 4:15) reals the idea of authority and rule.  Some might falsely see Paul as bowing to Roman household codes with this comment; but he is redeeming them.  

This is pretty clear when considering everything he says on the matter.  In Roman culture, a wife was little more than property.  Yet, Paul elevates her by saying she answers only to her own husband, and only as she would answer to Christ.  That was a radical elevation of the status of women, and he even had categories for widows who held property by themselves, managed servants, and served the body of Christ.  He is simply saying here that women in relationships may not act independently.

In v. 24, he completes the thought: “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.”  The analogy is simple and comprehensive.  The church submits to Christ in everything; a wife submits to her husband in everything — provided he leads as Christ leads.

In a fallen world this raises hard questions.  If a husband commands sin, Acts 5:29 governs — she can say, I must obey God rather than man.”  But, in a Spirit-filled marriage the husband leads sacrificially, and the wife can follow safely.  What does that leadership look like from him, though?

Second, Consider the Sacrificial Love of Husbands (vv. 25–30)

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.  So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

Now the spotlight turns to husbands.  Notice Paul does not say, “Husbands, rule your wives,” which might seem like a followup to the command to submit.  Yet, in Roman culture, that command was unnecessary and often brutal.  Instead Paul pushes against that culture and commands love — agapē love, the committed, self-giving love of the gospel.

In v. 25, he says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”  This is sacrificial love that pictures the gospel.  Christ did not love the church because she was lovable; He loved her while she was still His enemy.  He gave Himself up — on the cross — for her.  Husbands, whatever you love most—your hobbies, your career, your comfort—must yield to your wife. Anything less is not agapē.

We see a great explanation of agapē in 1 Corinthians 13.  This chapter comes in the middle of the discussion on spiritual gifts because people in Corinth because believers weren’t loving each other in the administration of their gifts.  This is also a helpful passage for men wanting to know what it means to practice agape with their wives.  Note vv. 4–7:

·         Love is patient,

·         Love is kind,

·         Love is not jealous,

·         Love does not brag,

·         Love is not puffed up;

·         Love it does not act unbecomingly,

·         Love does not seek its own,

·         Love is not provoked,

·         Love does not take into account a wrong suffered;

·         Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness,

·         Love rejoices with the truth;

·         Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is the kind of love that Paul commands of husbands here in Ephesians 4.  He continues in vv. 26–27 to  show the sanctifying purpose of that love: “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.”  Christ’s work is both definitive (as in His once-for-all setting us apart at conversion) and progressive (as in His ongoing growing us in holiness).  The “washing of water with the word” points to regeneration by the Spirit through His gospel (Titus 3:5).  One day, Christ will present His bride spotless, and that should communicate something to us about marriage in this life.

Husbands, you set your wife apart on your wedding day.  She’s the prize you sought, the pearl of great price that you devoted everything to get.  So, protect that consecration.  When you two fight, forgive as you have been forgiven, never holding things against your wife.  Never introduce anything that would stain the marriage bed, and guard your heart from lusting after others.  Continue to seek her as your treasure, valuing her spiritual growth even when she falls short.  This is what Christ does for you.

Verses 28–30 add the sympathetic dimension to all this.  We read, “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”  Go to school on your wife, learning her mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.  Nourish and cherish her the way you care for your own body (better, actually), because Philippians 2:3–4 calls us to regard others as more important than ourselves.

She will be much more willing to submit if she knows she is safe with you.  And when both parties are doing what they should in marriage, there is a unique kind of unity not experienced in any other relationship on earth.  That brings me to the final point:

Third, Consider the Simple Mystery of Marriage (vv. 31–33)

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.  This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

This is where Paul now quotes Genesis 2:24.  Before the Fall and sin entered the world, God designed marriage as a permanent, exclusive, one-flesh union.  Even after the fall, sexual union remains as the sign of a deeper spiritual reality.  That’s why it’s so important that it remain in the context of marriage, for those who engage in it outside of marriage can only experience it in a broken way.

Marriage is a unique relationship.  In fact, v. 32 calls it “a great mystery.”  Of course, Paul looks past human marriage when speaking “with reference to Christ and the church.”  The actual mystery is that God would take us collectively as a “bride” — in our sinful, rebellious humanity — and unite her to His Son forever.  Marriage is a living parable of that union, and so, it’s also a mystery of sorts — especially to those who have no gospel reference.

Understanding this simple mystery leads to transformed marriages that are pockets of peace amid the noise of this world. 

Paul summarizes everything in v. 33.  We read, “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”  It’s possible for there to be marriages where husbands love wives and wives respect husbands — and we know that’s the case because police don’t respond to domestic disturbances at the home of every married couple!  It’s possible, but in a fallen world, it’s also commanded.  And, when both obey, marriage becomes beautiful!

Conclusion

Our culture treats marriage as disposable, but the permanence of these kinds of relationships mirrors the perseverance of the saints.  Just as Christ will never divorce His Bride, husbands must never put divorce on the table.  If your marriage is on the rocks, fight for it with counseling, repentance, and gospel grace.  Marriages have survived adultery and worse when both spouses are committed to God’s design.

Husbands, lead with a Christ-centered love.  Wives, respond with glad submission.  Together you paint a picture of Christ and the church that the world desperately needs to see.

As we move into 1 Corinthians 7, Paul will apply these same principles to singleness, divorce, remarriage, and mixed marriages.  But everything he says there will rest on the foundation we have laid here.  Marriage is a gospel drama, and the gospel fixes every broken marriage — including yours and mine.